AI, Oracles, and — Reality?
On Fear and Anomie — in our minds ::: Psychosis, AI, and me
In 2023, I lost my mind.
I lost my mind, and had a break — numerous times — with reality.
As I write this now, my eyes are frowning. I scrunch them, and when I talk about this, they understandably wince.
For my homies who also like psychedelics, losing your mind is like a really, really bad trip on mushrooms or LSD. (Probably ayahuasca, too, but I have yet to try that bad boy.)
Your feelings and sensitivities are turnt up to 15 (out of 10); You see things that other people simply cannot and perhaps will never see.
You’re a machine — built on hype. You read into actions :: People are either out to get you, or you feel like any attention you receive is a special gesture just for you.
You think you can read other people’s minds; See inside of them, — you’re positive you can see truths you think that others refuse to see.
How does a person get to this point of extreme fear, and how do they heal?
As I write this, it’s a Sunday. March 30th, 2025. I’m listening to a playlist I made because I want to fall in love again this year.
I’d use the pleading face emoji here — but, last Monday, I spilled a decaf latte all over my own laptop just as I was about to start some writing with a James Baldwin-esque line that would put my reader in a chokehold.
So my laptop is under surgery. And instead, I’m writing this post using a dear friend Kate’s Macbook Air that’s 14 years old — which is about 90, in laptop years —and the OS is so god damn old that I cannot see (let alone use) the aforementioned pleading face emoji on this beloved, ancient brick.
*flips hair* — I always did love an opportunity to get creative — and to overshare.
So this year, I might fall in love again. With some lucky, old and adorable soul out there in the world. Perhaps. Maybe. What I do know is that: This year, I will absolutely and undeniably fall in love with myself 💕 (Yay! — that emoji is no problem for this reliable and geriatric device.)
Very much related to all of the above: I am thrilled to finally — and officially — announce ::: 🍾🎉🎊
In 2026, I am running an art exhibit. It’s called:
AI, Oracles, — Reality?
I am utterly fucking thrilled for this event. And the truth is, I’m making this incredible event happen in order to process the horrific trauma — and gift — of losing my mind in 2023.
In January of this year, Brian Eno and a Dutch artist named Bette Adriaanse published a book that I think you’d love :::
What Art Does: An Unfinished Theory
— don’t you just love when a title is about unravelling a mystery together? And when the title also suggests that the authors know there’s always more to learn? 😭
This book is incredible for so many reasons. Two of its main thrusts are essential here.
Eno and Adriaanse propound this primary claim: Art serves the purpose of helping us feel. Without feelings, there is little purpose to life.
If we don’t feel, then, basically, we’re dead 😱 — Spiritually. Psychically. Bankrupt, morally.
A second major claim they expound: Art is also essential for play. Broken into 10 bite-sized sections, Eno and Adriaanse remind us:
😭😭
Inside big tree is baby you.
Inside you is little you.
It’s always there.
With these words, Eno and Adriaanse go to a place that most people are afraid (and at times terrified) of ::: The tenderness of knowing — and seeing 👀 — that inside each and every one of us, there’s a little us; a little tree 🌱🌳 That’s always been there. And always will be.
BUT: What the hell does this have to do with psychosis, and AI, you might ask?
*shakes fur like a fuzzy dog who’s been pet a just a bit too much*
Woof. Well, I’m glad you asked, friends.
Psychosis is a crazy little time. And the truth is, psychosis is sometimes a necessary kind of fun, if you will — a mental escape from the ravages of everyday life. — I know, I know :: I sound a bit unhinged saying out loud that psychosis can be fun.
Noooo — I can’t use either emoji I’d initially set out to use here :: The hot face emoji, and, again, the pleading face emoji. You’re going to just have to picture them, here, friends.
Psychosis is your brain’s antidote to a life that temporarily involves far too much stress, stimulation and strife in it at a particular time. Psychosis is your brain making up fairy tales because you’re desperately lonely, and in need of a sense of safety, and of care, and of belonging, and of loving, at times devoted attention 😢😭
— I also know I’m staying pretty high level as I talk about this. The truth is, right now, I absolutely need to remain cerebral and composed as I write about this experience: Otherwise it’s simply too much for my wee heart and soul. I can only relive so much at once, babes.
And now: I’m having a hard time knowing how ADHD to let myself be here.
What I can promise you: In the future, I will definitely be sharing in a fulsome way about my experience of psychosis 😭
I absolutely need to ::: Tbf, you experience psychosis when your suffering exists on an island. It is a deep lonely that is marked by distilled desperation; clean and unclean. Sharing fully about my experiences with you is simply the only way I can process the travesty of that time.
I also have a confession to make: From a philosophical and human rights perspective, I think my interest in AI has decreased in the last few years by about 80%.
It’s been nearly 10 years since I’ve been thinking about the moral calamities raised by AI; I first worked on the topic of AI and its moral issues at the Berkman Klein Center for Internet and Society at Harvard University in 2017. (Read my work from that time here.)
And at this point, I gotta admit — there aren’t many new arguments that people raise that interest me.
Yes — corporations generally suck. Yes — privacy is under attack, and always has been. And, Yes — *gasp, holds hand to mouth* — people :: and machines :: are biased — imagine that! 🙀 And Yes, copyright, environmental issues, yadda yadda. These topics are important, but — admittedly, not new nor particularly interesting to me.
And, No — despite all of the fears of the over-educated white, prim men who are still riding the wave of world-ending Coronavirus fears — we will never let machines make decisions like whether to start a nuclear war, or some shit like that. We humans simply adore control too much.
So for the above reasons, I’m making my art exhibit happen — because if I don’t, I’ll die. Like — mostly serious here, folks 😌
I’m going to end here and leave you wanting more. Frankly, that’s just how I live my life ☺️ — and here’s another emoji I initially wanted to add here ::: again, the li’l hugging face.
I’ll let you connect the dots — in ways that excite and titillate you — about why it makes sense that a person who lost touch with consensus reality absolutely needs to organize an art exhibit that deftly explores how both AI and oracles — as two revered figures in society — shape our notions of reality.
I’ll let you churn over in your mind, dear readers, how terrifying — and at times, utterly relieving — it can be to be on your own planet sometimes. It’s certainly its own type of freedom.
I know it’s uncouth to take videos of homeless or home-insecure people, perhaps particularly in public settings, but this chap didn’t seem to mind. In fact, seemed to me like he was having a great time.
Do keep your eyes peeled for more from me. I’ll be sharing the Call for Artistes soon. I’ll also make a website for me art exhibit. Undoubtedly, it will be so very delightful 🌟
Three Things I Love
Big Time Nothing, by ye olde St. Vincent. A millennial folk indie warrior. Ever since my beloved old friend Andy pointed out like 9 years ago that St. Vincent’s kind of boring, I can’t unsee it. And frankly her collab with David Byrne didn’t help much either.
But St. Vincent’s latest album — from 2024 — has some tracks that frankly go tf off. Big Time Nothing is one of them ::: Turn it on loud, loves.
Love when someone channels their obvious OCD into something that is, like, dope art like this I’m now getting served a TON of content sur l’Instagram that’s all about how to live an incredible, successful and fulfilled life as an artist. *Chomp.*
I could quite literally have an entire Substack — and, frankly, a whole social media empire — dedicated to resharing all of the content that I’ve recently been fed on this topic. (Yum.) I won’t though :: Simply not worth my time, teehee.
BUT — here’s one delight from my semi-accidental art journeys for you👇🏼⤵️ Definitely watch it here too. You won’t regret peeping Sir Anthony’s essential facial expressions and those pivotal dance moves.
I don’t think Anthony Hopkins can do anything wrong. Also, literally me Last thing:
White emos with incredible hair serving looks as would-be grandparents to generation B absolutely deserves a li’l chuckle, non?
Welp. That’s it, folks. Grateful for the ebb and flow of life 🌊 Write me, follow me, like me 💗: — I’m so incredibly grateful for your attention, support, and care.
See you next month 🌟
— Yuan xx
Love learning about Eno's newest book. Looking forward to your exhibit 💜